Thursday, January 25, 2018

You're listening to JLSY 96.9 FM

I am getting better and better all the time and celebrating seemingly small and insignificant milestones in my life. The milestone for today is that I was finally able to stop being JEALOUS of a woman and able to start celebrating her and being happy for her accomplishments. 


It's funny. It sounds so dorky to me. Woot. Whistles and Clapping. I am not jealous!  *kazoo trill* But seriously, friends, if you had heard the radio station that my brain has spent much of it's time on, you would be blown away by this information. I am sad to say that I've spent a very goodly chunk of my life thinking snippy, unkind little thoughts like, "Oh, yeah. It would be EASY for me to be positive and do awesome things if I LOOKED like that or if I had that MONEY that person does!  I DON'T have those things! It's much harder for me! It's a struggle for someone like me, who doesn't have that stuff just EASILY come to them!!!" 

And you know, if it wasn't necessarily that, I would just be stuck in a place of wanting what another person has, resenting myself for not being better, and then shaming myself for feeling bad. Nice. It's just a hecking downward spiral of hog swill. 

I was blessed to read a book a few years ago that said something that struck me to my core! It was a book on "Emotional Freedom Tapping for Weight Loss" by Jessica Ortner, and she walks you though more careful, loving, deliberate self-talk that you use while you are gently tapping on meridian points on your body. It's all about reaching your subconscious, and reprogramming some of the crap you've lodged in there. Anyway, there was a big section of the book where she explained that you can't get to the body you want if you see that body as a threat and a danger.  Wait, what?  

She says that when you were maybe a teenager, and you and the people around you would view the "skinny, pretty, popular" girls at bitches, you were sending a message to your body that being that way is dangerous because then people like...um......YOURSELF would think you were a bitch. Holy crap, that is some trippy stuff. She said that when she was working with a lot of her clients, they had breakthroughs when they got to this point. They realized that they  had quite literally been telling their bodies that  it was not safe to be thin. Because they, themselves had shunned and belittled that very image.   Or, perhaps that image and idea had caused them a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Your body is always trying to protect you and keep you safe, and if you've been sending messages for years like that, no WONDER it would be confused!


It works really well with other aspects too. Just yesterday, my nanny mentioned someone that was "filthy rich" and I said, "My dear, I love you, but you must never say that phrase around me again."  She was confused, and said, "What phrase?"  I said, "You can call it 'clean rich'. You can call it 'blessed'.  Do not call it filthy. I don't want my brain to think I would have to be filthy and bad if I were to become rich."  She totally got it and thanked me. Perception change!

And so, after actual months and months of PRACTICE in my brain, I don't feel this little stab of jealousy when I see this woman on social media. I have been practicing phrases like, "Wow! Good job! You are a freaking rock star!  I KNEW you could do it!!"  and I have been saying them silently to her through the ether. I have also stopped talking about or making fun of celebrities. When people around me do it, I just stay silent. I  inwardly say, "I don't know that person, but I hope they have success and love themselves."  It's funny, because this has all been the hardest part. It is FUNNY to talk about how short, crazy, and egotistical Tom Cruise is, right? But, I've stood my ground. In my mind, I just say things like, "I love Tom Cruise. I love how handsome he is. I love so many of the movies he has made. I hope is has even more money, more success, and more thick-soled shoes." 

And truly, friends, this is such a better station to have playing in my brain. It makes me feel light and free, smiling and excited. The other station, "JLSY 96.9 FM"  made me feel gross about myself, yucky about the human race, and hopeless. I hope that you can all change the channel to a more loving one for you! 
 

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