damselcorsets.com

Friday, September 28, 2012

Money, Money, Money





*My sisters are both going to hate me for posting a picture of us playing in the creek...Hopefully I can be granted forgiveness someday. On the far left is my sister Natalie, very much grown up from the little toddler in the story below. 


 When I was a teenager, my little sister, Natalie, who was about 3 years old at the time, developed an unhealthy, intense disgust for me. We had never had any problems, and I had lovingly nurtured and helped care for her from the day she was born, and I loved the crazy, curly haired little hellion. Almost suddenly, she  started behaving in a very bizarre way when I would enter the room or violate her personal domain. This tiny pale little imp would start wailing, stamping her little feet indignantly and telling me to "get out" because I was"ugly". We all know how brutally honest kids are, so to hear my sister call me ugly was visceral blow. 

      This actually continued on for a good couple of weeks. If I wasn't technically "ugly" before, I sure as hell felt hideous, as I was actually scaring and disturbing this little kid whom I loved so dearly. It was always the same. I would simply get near Natalie, and out would come the tears and declarations of how she didn't want to be near me.   Now, I was definitely an adequately awkward teenager, but certainly nothing approaching the loathesome monster that Nat must have been seeing.  My mom was getting equally frustrated, as we both endeavored to figure out what the real problem here could be. My kind, wise mother assured me that I wasn't ugly, and that my sister was maybe just going through some strange little emotionally charged phase of toddler-hood. 

        One day, my sister threw a SERIOUS screaming kicking I-don't-want-Chelle-here kind of fit. I may have possibly done some immature and impatient screaming back at her, and my mom stepped in and showed a more impressive level of anger than both of us put together. Later, when we were cooled down, I was vigorously kneading some dough into loaves for homemade bread, with tears sliding down my ruddy cheeks and onto the dusty flour-laden countertop.  My mom came in, put her arm around me, and calmly explained what was causing Natalie's tantrums.  Very candidly, she said, "Michelle, little children are very sensitive to people's moods, facial expressions, and attitudes that they are showing out to the world. Natalie doesn't think YOU are ugly, she think that your attitude is ugly." My mom went on to explain that my moody anguished-soul, no-one-understands-me, my-feelings-are-so-deep, emo crap was actually making me ugly on more of a "metaphysical" level.  It was like I had the "aura" of a moping, brooding, negative cloud of angry puberty. My little sister thought it was ugly. It was. 

       I spent a LOT of time after that trying to change my attitude. It has been a daily struggle ever since, and this ultimate foe of negativity still  wakes me up in the morning, greeting me with all of the gloom in the world, heaping responsibilities onto my very soul, and yearning to make me ugly. 


         It has always been a hard thing for me to go and do Renaissance Festivals. Out comes that negative attitude, deceiving me with lies about how no one will buy my product, my business will fail, and I should just give up because it will never work how I want it to. The pressing need to make enough money to cover the enormous expenses of gas, hotels, food, booth fees, and unplanned disasters made the very idea of attending an event intensely terrifying. This suffocating pressure to kneel and kiss the feet of the Almight Dollar made me loathe the very thing that was blessing my life so tremendously.
         This attitude of hopelessness and low confidence was very evident in my personal life. It is so dang easy to become "ugly"  when your thoughts are so black and murky.  I tried my GUTS OUT to be chipper and happy at renaissance festivals, but there has always been that underlying expectation of the cruel dollar sign. Now, money is not a BAD motivator, necessarily, as long as the end result is that you take the money and bless others with it. I want to make it clear that this is why I DO TRULY want to make money. It's just that the pursuit of the Dollar itself can be insatiable, damning, and will end up destroying you.

         The good news is that  I feel as though I DID make a serious break-through, which I would like to share with you all. The breakthrough actually came when I was watching the most recent Batman movie. I was biting my nails, squirming in my chair, and freaking out any time a person in the theatre would get up to leave or come in (I was watching the movie only days after the shootings in Aurora, CO. I'm sure that everyone had that vague fear lurking somewhere in the back of their minds.). The movie is SOOO intense, and I was truly horrified that people had brought little kids to see it.  There is a portion of the movie where Bruce Wayne gets captured by the bad guy and thrown into a big pit that serves as a prison for lots of inmates. The prisoners remain at the bottom of this well-like cavern, looking up and plainly seeing daylight and the possibility of escape. There are stones jutting out in a spiral going up the inside of the pit, and one could climb almost all the way to the mouth, where there are two outcroppings of rock spaced a good amount apart from each other. If you can jump from the one rock across the chasm to the very last and highest step, you could easily climb out and you would be free.
       
        The movie shows several attempts by prisoners to make this feat. They take a very strong rope and tie it securely so that if they miss that very last jump to freedom, they won't fall and splatter to their deaths on the stone floor below. The rope painfully swings them into the walls, beating them up, but preserving their lives.  Bruce tries repeatedly to make this great leap, but keeps swinging to failure on his rope.  Through several beautiful scenes and soul-searching discussions, he discovers that the only way out is to take off the rope and make the leap alone. This rope that he thought was saving his life was the whole reason he couldn't save his life. He had stated that he feared nothing,  not even death, but the fear of his own death was the only motivator that was strong enough to  help him make the leap. This imagery resonates so deeply within me and my own life. How many times are we held back by the very things that we believe are giving us life?  How many times do we have TRULY legitimate excuses for why we cannot do something, even the fact that we might DIE, and yet these excuses ARE the rope that holds us back, swings us painfully to failure, and puts us at the bottom of the pit?

      In my case, I thought that wanting to make money to take care of my family was a motivator, but it was making me miserable, in a never ending quest of "not enough" and "not satisfied."   I had to cut that rope, and look beyond myself, beyond my family, beyond my dreams. I had to figure out a strong enough motivator that it would conquer the petty emotions.  Not to be cocky, but I believe I have figured it out. The second I took my focus off of the money, and focused on a very simply goal- to make women feel beautiful and see themselves how others see them, and ultimately, how God sees them (sorry, guys, I'm a Christian, and I'm not backing down. Whatever higher power you happen to believe is out there, I can promise you that they look at you through different lenses than the ones in your own brain.) something wonderful happened, and my attitude became beautiful again.  When I cut the rope of "I have to make money! I have to get these women to buy corsets!!!" and started focusing on "We live in a sick world that wants women to hate themselves, and if I can get them to look in the mirror and see even a GLIMPSE of how lovely they are, we can all change the world together."

        May I just end with something that sounds cheesy, but it's true, and that's why it needs to be repeated. The world IS a pretty awful place, but expecting the government, other people, businesses, or organizations to take care of it will end in ultimate failure.  You only have control over you, and unless you can "cut the ropes" that bind you, hold you back, and make you into the small, sad version of yourself, you will never be able to make that leap to freedom and step into the light. It's up to you to identify the things that are holding you back, and unfortunately, they will most likely be the things that are most important and deeply ingrained into you. Try facing your pride. It's not fun.   I can just promise you that there is a world waiting for you, and you can't even imagine how wonderful it is, but the prize must be equal to the sacrifice.

       For a start, just to help me with my goal, try looking in the mirror and imagining how God sees you. It's a good exercise. If nothing else, imagine how I see you. It's probably a heck of a lot better than what you see. I would love to help you change your brain, and I can promise that all of you ladies who have sent me emails, posted on facebook, met me at festivals, and supported my company  have TRULY helped me to see something beautiful in the mirror, and I thank you deeply for that.


21 comments:

  1. In high school, I felt self-conscious all of the time and felt I didn't look good enough. But for the last few years, I've finally been able to see myself like you said - as God sees me. And suddenly I feel like I can do so much more! I can focus on other people now and it's so liberating! What you say is such a good example and I am very grateful to you in your helping others. Thank you for having the courage to write it all down for the world to see, and doing it in such an engaging manner. You write very well, and I think you're lovely. My vote counts because I've met you before. :) You're amazing! Keep it up!

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  2. Thanks sweetie! I really needed this today! Hugs!

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  3. I've never seen you, your intentions, and your art as anything but beautiful. <3

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  4. Can I just say that I think you are a wonderful person? I have followed your facebook posts and been to the Payson Scottish Festival to try on your corsets. It's nice to feel beautiful again. That's what you are bringing to all of us who are struggling with our self esteem. Seeing the look on my husbands face when his eyes bug out and he smiles...that is so worth it! I'm an old mom of seven kids, and that has taken a huge toll on my body and feeling like my husband is amazed by looking at me is priceless. I love your sense of humor and the love you sew into every stitch of your corsets...at least it feels that way to me. Don't be worried about making money off of doing this, you deserve to be compensated for all of your hard work. I'm a little envious of some of the adventures you have been on as you have traveled around making women feel beautiful. Keep up the good work and know that you have the gratitude and love of many women. When I see you at the shows I get to go to, it's hard not to just come up and hug you because you have let us look into your heart and head and we feel a little like we know you and you are a good friend. Thanks so much for all you do and share.

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  5. 7 Years ago the rug was pulled from under me and my whole world changed (Hurricane Katrina) - in the weeks following the storm I lost my job, and in the chaos of her aftermath, there were no jobs to be had. It was then, when everything was in a freefall that I made my side business my only business.

    It was scary. Getting out of bed every morning was scary, so it was just another scary thing, and I jumped in. I still second guess myself all the time, I still worry about just about everything. I agonize during the slow periods, work myself into the ground during the busy times. But I realize this is what I was meant to do.

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  6. For myself, when I see you it's not about buying a corset so I can wear it. That's not what I'm buying. I'm buying back a piece of that woman who is ME, that woman I allowed myself to forget. I didn't know she existed until you happened to lace me into a corset and introduce me to her.

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  7. You are very good at making women look beautiful. To feel beautiful is a personal challenge - Michelle, when you are sincere in your exclamations to them of what you see, you are helping many women turn the corner and see themselves in that light. Recently I visited you at a festival. I had been feeling very low after recently having a child and I must admit, the way you and all the ladies surrounding you (employees and customers/fans) helped me and then "cheered" me along, I felt beautiful. I am thankful you turned that corner yourself and realized the power you have. It is infectious.

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  8. I met you on Mother's Day at the Muskogee Renaissance fair this year, and I have to say I thought you were the most wonderful, beautiful, joyful person I have ever met. You had a hand in making this last Mother's Day the best I ever had. I bought a spectacular outfit from you and you did make me feel beautiful, not breathing, but beautiful none the less. Thank you for just being who you were that day.

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  9. The first time I met you was ren faire in las Vegas 3 or 4 years ago and at the time I was near the heaviest I have ever been. In the years before this I had dressed as a belly dancer bc I was happier w my body, but this particular year I came in street clothes. I decided to look for a corset to make me feel better bc it could make me thinner and i remember looking for the perfect one all day, and making it to your tent a couple times, each time your tent was packed and I would leave before being helped. Finally I stopped and I asked how to pick the perfect corset, and you urged me to try one on, and would not take my no for an answer. You pulled one out and had one of your girls help me put it on and before I looked in the mirror you said to me "oh my.gosh you look amazing" and when I looked in the mirror I really did look amazing. I realized in that moment that I may have been told I looked beautiful by others and felt good about what I was wearing, but I never FELT beautiful. from that point on I never let my weight or my own issues w my body control my attitude toward myself, andbthat has helped me build my confidence so high. Now I have three of your amazingly beautiful corsets and I put my friends in them all the time to help them feel that confidence. You are an amazing lady.

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  10. The first thing I whispered when I walked into your booth "did you bring any of your larger corsets that would fit me?' You grabbed me by the hand, laughed, and inferred that I was smaller than I believed; you then brought out 5 different options to try on. From that moment I felt appreciated as a customer and as woman. I walked out of your booth knowing my husband loved my new pirate look, and feeling like the bell of the ball.
    You have a magic style. Not only do you see the beauty in a woman, you know how to expose it. Bringing the best out in others is not something one is taught, it is a personality trait that few have. You can be proud of that quality. Also, there is no shame in making money doing work you excel at and love doing. We should all be so lucky to “get to go to work” and not “have to go to work”

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  11. Thank you for this! I went to law school to make an impact on society, and for the last 6 years I have found myself just embroiled in legal battles that, while we get great client results, leave myself asking "so what?" at the end of the day. I'm slowly trying to see the mission over the money, and I hope someday I can get to the point where my "day job" makes a difference!

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  12. I have stood in your shoes, that ugly person still resides in me and my daughter lets me know it. I am working on that person. I am gaining confidence in myself and learning to trust again. I have felt very inferior with all I do. I am accepting my faults and working on the me that I want to be.

    Now your corsets are amazing and make me feel amazing. I have not been able to purchase any, and for a long time i avoided your booth because I assumed you didn't carry larger sizes most booth don't in Norman, OK. I finally went in and I fell in love!

    Stay strong you are amazing and I am glad you are seeing that now as well. What you give to the female population is fantastic! The male counterparts don't seem to mind either ;) as they oogle their wives/ girlfriends/ or friends become someone that they want to be. The first look in the mirror is almost as amazing as watching a loved on see you the first time. My 9 year old son was in total shock this past spring. Thank you..

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  13. I'm a little choked up and at a loss for words after reading that and letting the tears fall. I just had to say "thank you", for writing and sharing that, and for everything that you do.

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  14. That was beautiful, thank you for sharing.

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  15. Thank you Michelle...you are always such an inspiration...i take you words (and your shampoo recommendations) to heart. <3 katwise

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  16. Michelle - It is and always will be difficult to 'put yourself out there' as an artist. Pressure and stress come from all directions. Sometimes we do need that extra pat on the back to bolster a flagging ego - our mental corset that keeps our back straight and head held high in circumstances that are challenging at best. You of all people have the fantastic ability to lace your mental and physical self up tight and push on. Get out there and accomplish all you dream and desire. Only one person can make that happen. You are a hard headed damsel that can and will succeed - financially, artistically, and with your personal evolution. "No Whining!" Flash that dazzling smile and get out there and conquer the world!

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  17. That was powerful, Michelle. Thank you. :)

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  18. I told you ages ago that you were hot and beautiful but wrinkled your cute nose and said "ok" like I was nuts. Now I have an idea why. I was brave of you go here for us, Dear Michelle.

    I've fought weight battles all my life and still do. I can't get into my favorite vixen now but I'm back on the wagon working toward it. I guess my point is that everybody falls down - it's the getting back up that matters.

    And my corset maker is still HOT!

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  19. Michelle, I just ordered my first corset from you after wishful shopping for 2 years. I am more excited than I can say to unleash that beautiful me!
    I have been following your blog and think you're amazing and I've never even met you =) You're right, sometimes being beautiful on the inside is really hard. We knock ourselves down because we're not the media ideal, or we can't afford the best hair cut, or we're too big or too skinny, or too old, or we can't give the best to our kids, or our parent or blah blah blah. There's so much out there to beat ourselves up over it's amazing we can get up some days.
    But the truth of it is, we are all stunning, and we just have to be the best person we can be for ourselves, and that light is going to spill out of us and other people will be amazed at how beautiful we are =)

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  20. I believe in your creations so much. I have never enjoyed looking at clothes and then think oh that would look awesome on me but looking at your corsets totally change that. I want to replace everything in my closet and wear your corsets everyday to not only feel good but to share DitD with others so they can feel the same beauty. I look forward to seeing your stuff every year and the stress you feel is normal but don't let it over power you. Your an amazing person who has created an amazing brand and I think you should totally expand and go bigger. You are the best designer. You flatter all figures and are just the most amazing person. <3 Lulumashay

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  21. Michelle, as I read your post to the end, I began to cry. You have the most amazing words that MEANT something to my inner soul. THANK YOU.

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