Tuesday, September 27, 2011

And Alice

If you ever want to see me throw the biggest tantrum you've ever seen, just DARE to ask me if this skirt will make your hips look big because "You already have huge hips."! ARRRGGGGGGhhh! I get the same thing with the bustle skirts. Will this make my butt look big? I already have junk in the trunk. SERIOUSLY?????????? Just stop for two seconds, and cogitate over your questions.
The whole dang POINT is to exaggerate a severe and impressive hourglass frame. I bet your ancestors would roll over in their graves if they heard you uttering such nonsense! OF COURSE you want your hips to look huge and round. It will make your WAIST look so STUPIDLY SMALL that people will wonder if you removed your spleen and pancreas! Yes, the bustle skirts will make your backside an impressive and delicious array of swagged, sculpted iridescent fabric. The men will love it (at least the ones that don't suck. I can't imagine a jock type drooling over this...) and other women will hate you for how completely sultry you look. I personally have about 5 of these exact skirts, and I wear them to festivals all the time. Women will come up to me and say "Oooh, you're waist looks so tiny!" and then, in the same breath, "But I could never wear that skirt. I've already got too much junk in the trunk." That, RIGHT THERE, is a contradiction, madam. You too, can have this waist (Hell, do you think I ACTUALLY look like this??? What a beautiful dream.) and you should be putting MORE items of no considerable mention into your "trunk".


  1. Psh, I want my derriere to look so round and voluptuous boys wish they could bounce off of it!

    ...I hope no one took that the wrong way >__>

    The media has destroyed the collective female self-esteem and ideas of what a beautiful woman should look like. Makes me sad...and sick!

  2. Either blogger is having a heart attack or you've set your comment filters very strangely. I can comment anonymously or just with my name and url but not with my google/ blogger account.

    Well to recap what I was trying to say. Yes, the larger your hips are the smaller your waist looks. That's why I wear multiple really full skirts that I swag at the hips to renfairs.

    That's actually only a mild example. In the Elizabethan period Noble ladies wore farthingales. Which were basically early hoopskirts with more of a bell shape with a bumm roll while peasants just got the bum roll. Basically a bum roll is just a little pillow that goes around your hips that is bigger in back and it makes your waist look really tiny.

    Then it got really ridiculous in Marie Antoinette's era when there were panniers. Basically metal cages perched on each hip to make your hips approximately the size of a small loveseat.

    Really a gathered skirt or a bustle are the least of the long tradition of trying to make one's lower half look larger to enhance their tiny waist.

    Links to photos of what I'm talking about bellow.
    Farthingale: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Farthingale&um=1&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbnid=QAXi8CZKp4kiNM:&imgrefurl=http://www.tudorshoppe.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc%3FStore_Code%3DTTS%26Screen%3DPROD%26Product_Code%3DSS-FG&docid=yeIepqsfNDdJbM&w=288&h=432&ei=qf2BTsmfG8LhiAKtxcyBDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=615&vpy=142&dur=4483&hovh=275&hovw=183&tx=131&ty=158&page=1&tbnh=132&tbnw=88&start=0&ndsp=61&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0&biw=1680&bih=955
    Bum Roll: http://www.periodcorsets.com/catalog/images/bum_roll_17thC.jpg
    Pannier: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Pannier&um=1&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbnid=SrF_9b541TtfBM:&imgrefurl=http://1930bychrisjackson.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/lhistoire-de-mode-pannier/&docid=kgGDBnOJOqJZLM&w=538&h=380&ei=z_2BTtruM6zWiALc7dinDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1366&vpy=295&dur=4270&hovh=189&hovw=267&tx=199&ty=127&page=1&tbnh=145&tbnw=193&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:0&biw=1680&bih=955