damselcorsets.com

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Marvelous new P.O.O.P Machine!

      I have sensational news for any and all people who read this blog! I realized that I have hurt and betrayed loyal customers with my tactlessness and sarcasm, so I spent a bum-load of money on this high-tech offense-filtering machine. If it works, I'm totally going to buy stock in the company and STRONGLY urge everyone who owns a facebook account to also participate in this revolutionary new technology.   To test it out, I figured I would just start shoving the words from my blog into the one end and I'll see what comes out. Let's take this paragraph that I just wrote, for instance. The machine supposedly takes the group of words, makes them friendly and sensitive to everyone, and then gives me a print-out of all of the mistakes that I made when I wrote the passage. *Rubs hands together* Let's see how this baby works!!!
Holy LOVE! I couldn't even get through the first sentence without offending everyone in the whole world, including blind people, plants and animals???? I'm reading through the rest of the detail report! OH, I'm horrified! You guys don't even want to KNOW what the machine told me about my use of the words "bum" and "load" together.  Oh, wow..um....so, he told me that calling all of my customers "loyal" implied first that everyone wants to buy my product, which will offend the people that do not want corsets. He also told me that calling them "loyal" offended the "disloyal" customers. Ouch. This machine is sort of a bastard. Let's see what he says about THIS paragraph!!!!!


Uh. Oh...The Little guy realized that he had "offended" ME! When he filtered out every single word I had to say and told me how bad of a person I was, if hurt MY feelings! He also realized that he was, in fact, called a "P.O.O.P." machine, which will offend people. His computer brain told him that there was a 99.457% chance that this very blog would offend 38.7460% of the readers (once again, he had to kick himself in the USB's after he called them "readers".)  He realized that the inevitability of comments on this blog would allow additional "offense"  on the very same internet page! If the comments weren't filtered through his system,  there was a distinct probability that commenters would get offended by other comments on their comments! 

OH, blast. He just self-destructed. I've got pieces of this machine flung all over my basement and I have NO IDEA how I will ever pick them all up. How do you clean up a mess of good intentions?  In the process of trying to "please everybody" I didn't please anybody. 

I hope you guys will see the symbolism in this

38 comments:

  1. Did I mention HOW MUCH I LOVE you!

    **Muzette aka Zgirl and I approve this post, I also approved the one from yesterday too.**

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  2. Honestly, I've been lurking around your site and eyeing up your corsets for a while, but I've never said anything. This post was amazing, and it's going to offend people. That is what makes it perfect. I always have a complete rant about people taking offense to any stupid little thing stored, but this is your blog, and I will leave it that way. Though I've already planned to buy one of your corsets when I have enough money to do so, this customer now gives you more kudos for being awesome. Too bad I'm going Anon.

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  3. This is why I love you and want to buy the beautiful and crazy-awesome corsets you make. A woman with this much creative energy and sass is so amazing to know! Thanks for making me smile.

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  4. This is completely awesome by the way, made me laugh completely through it.

    I love you and your beautiful creations! I've bought many, including grab bags which I simply adore (and caused me to get colors and styles I wouldn't normally have, to find I love and look good in them!!). I read yesterday's post and wasn't offended in the least. I'm a big time geek and would love to banter back and forth with you any day! Especially in your booth! You are human too and have feelings, I've got lots of love and hugs for you!!!

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  5. Michelle, I do love you, and I love you very much. Some people sometimes just doesn't understand how much of a sarcastic spitfire you are. Personally, your posts always make me smile, and I never saw a problem! But the internet is a brutal place, and this is why we can't have nice things. Hang in there!

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  6. Michelle, I appreciate you taking the time out to respond to those who commented on your post yesterday. It's clear that you care about your business and your customers. Somebody said it yesterday and I agree 110% that this blog is not your friend. You're trying to connect with your customers and it's great that we can see you're really human and there's people behind the company but for every person who comes here and connects with you, there's probably more who get turned off. If I came here outta nowhere and just read this blog, I probably wouldn't buy from you. It's too emotional. That's just how you are. I'm the same way and that's why I'll never attempt to have a blog for my own business. And I make sure what I post on our facebook page is proof-read (my husband has had to tone me down many times). Even as a DitD customer I'm sometimes afraid to ask for an alteration or change in my order for fear I might be one of "those customers" that ends up on here or the one you complain about at the end of the day.

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    1. I agree, Meghan. I've loved to write since high school english class, and I got the same comments from my teachers. They would tell me I had talent but to turn it WAY down. There's never a day that goes by where I don't write about 10 blogs in my head, and then turn them down because I'm too afraid. This is why I'm writing a BOOK! It's true. Perhaps I'll keep the book separate from my company. And I truly believe what I said at the end. By trying to please everyone, you don't please anyone.

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    2. I completely agree. Having dealt with Michelle as a customer the service has always been prompt and courteous, but this blog is worse than yesterday's because of its reactionary nature. What I am about to say is not just directed at Michelle, by the way. Criticizing someone because they have upset you is not bullying. Gaslighting people, harassing people because you think they are overly sesitive, that is bullying. None of us have any way of knowing what the experiences of all the others reading this have been, so to be so condescending and dismissive of people-and I am talking more to the commenters feom yesterday than Michelle here, because a lot of them were being bullies-is really offputting.

      (Please note this has been composed on my phone so excuse the typos...I am not able to correct them easil on this thing.)

      Obviously Michelle is a real pwrson with real feelings, and yesterday's initial post had some mistakes on it, but it wasn't intentionally hurtful so much as a miaguided attempt at playfulness. The chaos that ensued afterwarda though was really unneeded, and I honestly feel that this post is only going to serve as another means to exacerbate thhat anger from yesterday.

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    3. Meghan - I've been one of "those" customers who has been blogged about (never mentioned specifically by name but I recognized the topic right away)!! It was actually kinda funny to me to see it but you know, it takes a lot for someone to lay out passions, then get told they're wrong, then process it as a learning experience. It's rare that any blogger admits as much. If the blog entry would have pissed me off, I still wouldn't be buying stuff from her. Ah, such is the way of being a client to an artiste...

      But to the current topic, the extra bit of context that was missing and later added in yesterday I think would have caused less of a blogsplosion, but again, we live and we learn.

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    4. Therealycats-good point! I was trying to figure out a way to make things funny, but perhaps I was too "reactionary". Once again, trying to hard to filter everything I possibly say is going to make my brain explode. I will just try my very best to only say positive things in the future.

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    5. By the way, "those customers" are the ones who end up getting the most attention, and they have all 10 of my employees scrambling to make things right for them. It's sort of a "squeaky wheel" gets the grease thing. As long as "those customers" don't threaten me and call me names, as well as harassing my incredible employees, I will gladly do what they need me to. I owe it to them, after all, they're making my life as a corset maker a reality.

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    6. I recommend writing the book under a pseudonym. ;)

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    7. I recommend writing the book as you, not a pseudonym. That'd be ridiculous. Why would she hide? Why?



      She'd have a ton more buying it because of her name is the same as here.

      And by the way, I disagree SINCERELY about the blog no tbeing your friend. And I can't disagree more with the statement that for every one that comes here first and is a customer, that more are turned off. ****I*** was one who caught you here first. And beyond that experience - I honestly cannot see from a business perspective many more clients being turned off. That was an ignorant statment.

      I hope that you take that comment with a grain of salt, as well as most of these. You have been doing great with your wit and sarcasm. I love you for it.

      -Lorelai

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  7. I love you Michelle! I read yesterday's post before the revision and I was not offended at all, even though my husband and I fall into the stereotype that you were teasing (we were both "geeks" in HS, but we dont look it now somehow, even though we still are!). I just figured that if I ever got the chance to meet you in real life that I'd have to show you just how geeky I am, something I actually love doing! My family has a saying, and maybe it applies to you too, "If you're not teased you're not loved." We tease mercilessly within our family because we are all so sarcastic and dont seem to have much of a filter built in. However, like you we are quick to apologize if someone's feelings are truly hurt.

    Anyways, I'm just trying to say that I love your personality and I am one of the customers that you won because of it! It makes me feel like you are family, and I love supporting family, so count me in sister! you'll still be getting tons of orders from me and mine :)

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  8. Don't let uptight people ruin your work and your outlook. You're quirky and fun from what little I've seen, and that's worth far more than being politically correct. The only thing stopping me from buying everything you put out in my size is my finances ^_^

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  9. Good! I'm glad to read this. To be honest, I didn't read yesterday's post. I just sighed, shook my head and moved on.

    You can't please everyone all of the time. Less time dealing with hypersensitive drama queens = more time designing and working on lovely corsets.

    Kids, I tell ya!

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    1. Kristie

      You said it perfectly "You can't please everyone all of the time. (my note: you shouldn't even try or want to)...LESS TIME DEALING WITH HYPERSENSITIVE DRAMA QUEENS."

      I would underline instead of yell, but not an option.

      I read your posts, all of them. And I think many people owe YOU an apology.

      I'm sorry to YOU for the people who made you feel bad.

      I swear you weren't petty, or jealous, or selfish. I feel ashamed they made you feel the need to justify your note. Whether it was dripping in sarcasm or only iced in it. I don't care.

      Please don't stop withi the posts. I'll miss them, and I really think that adults know the difference between offensive or not.

      I also know its not in your nature to let it roll off your back. And I don't know you that well. Just know - I come here to read your blog and KNOW it isn't the totality of your business. But if I could get some sort of your sarcastic wit sewn into my corset i would.

      -Monique

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  10. LOL - I think I love you!

    If you ever get sick of the corsetier gig you can try your hand at writing, for certain (or stand up?).

    Would love to write more, but I'm currently off to the grocery store to interview the Manager and decide if his sense of humor is compatible enough with mine that I can continue to do business there.

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    1. Kismet, I understand what you're trying to say here, but think about all the people boycotting Chick-fil-a right now because of their stance on LGBT issues. And would you really continue to do business at a local shop if the manager or an employee outright criticized your appearance?

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    2. OK - I'm going to have to stop with the Chick-Fil-A parallel now. I really don't think it's applicable in this situation (and somewhat trivializes the bigger issue). Unless Michelle is channeling her profits into donations for anti-cheerleader lobbies or refusing to hire blondes it's really not equal to Chick-Fil-A.

      In the words of the Chicago leader who criticized Chick-Fil-A: "Moreno clarified on CNN Friday morning, 'It's not about what people believe or what they say. That's protected, and I would be the first to protect any of that. If those beliefs or those sayings transfer into a policy that discriminates in hiring or in serving, then that's when I have an issue with it or the community would have an issue with it.'

      - and PLEASE PLEASE let's not let this devolve into a Chick-Fil-A debate there are SO MANY other forums for that vitriol!

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  11. Nice to see you back in action Michelle. ^_~
    You can't please all of the people all of the time, but you deserve a medal for trying so hard. It also totally unavoidable to go through life without sticking our feet in our mouths once in awhile (I've done a lot of this), it's just part of the human experience. I'd rather buy from someone witty and sassy like you, than from a soulless bland company.

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  12. I have stood in line and waited for you to help me and my girls. I would wait as long as needed just to have you and your great wit help me. I have never felt anything but special in your booth. I too own a business. Some of your frustrations I completely relate to. Vent away. I will see you in Portland. With open arms full of hugs. I appriciate you. Bobbie

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    1. It would be so much less painful if people just gave you the benefit of believing good of you in the first place.

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  14. Michelle - you are so friggin awesome I can't even stand it. your awesomeness is blinding me with it's brilliance. ^__^ You're friggin hilarious!! I'm so proud, honored and happy to support you and your business. HUZZAH!!! Can't wait till I can buy my next purchase from you!!

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  15. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    You are my sunshine. And I loves you!

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  16. Only posting as anonymous bc I don't use the other options available...I'm Laura in MD.
    Michelle, I've done business with you for over 4 years and have happily watched your business grow and enjoy your blogging. :) You aren't being hateful and even though you're a business owner, that doesn't mean you abdicate your right to express your opinions. This is a blog for goodness sake! I thought the idea of blogs was to be able to say what's on your mind. We all have folks who annoy us. And, as a fellow vendor, I soooooooo understand certain customers who make us all batty.
    And finally, I cheer your lack of pretense about political correctness...being PC sucks. You're faaaaaaaabbbbbulous! :)

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  17. Those out there who were offended really do not understand. Michelle was not passing some kind of moral judement or criticizing appearances. She would never degrade or bash a customer for their appearance. As a loyal follower and spreader-of-DiTD, I truely feel that I have gotten to know and love Michelle. I love the raw emotion and quirkiness that she expresses because I am an emotion-driven person, but I dont have the sass to express it like she does. By using words that reflect back into highschool, she was showing some vulnerability and self-consciousness--after all, most people were self-conscious and awkward in highschool. I have been in the same shock as her, to see someone beautiful AND who did not seem "nerdy" enough to belong at something like that (there are beautiful nerds, but to me they blend in with their clothing and the way they behave).. Not that they dont belong by any means!! Because everyone is entitled to like what they want. It just seemed odd to me, like someone wearing a formal dress standing in a boat fishing or someone wearing overalls sitting in a fancy restaurant....there is nothing wrong with it. It just seemed odd.

    I agree that the way it was worded was a little raw, but for anyone who spends any time reading Michelles thoughts in her blogs, it was mearly an insight in to her self-consciousness side. Michelle admires beauty, from without and from within. She admires people. There is no way that she would personally attack someone like some of them seem to believe. The thought of ONE person being mad at her is enough to make her cry.

    Michelle, I love you, Doll!! Keep your head up and remember that the price of wearing your heart on your sleeve is that its gonna get hurt now and then. At those times, feel it and then let it go. Dont hold on to it and let it keep hurting you. You are an amazing woman and you have SO MANY people that believe in you. Smile! It makes your inner beauty sparkle!

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  18. ok, I've said enough. But one comment I read and want to be SURE you are not taking to hear Michelle. They said "Your blog is not your friend." Um...and something along the lines of it isn't doing you any favors and that it is losing you more business than gaining.

    That my friend, is actually wrong. More have not been lost. I can tell you, I'm not the only person who has found you VIA your blog. Guess what? I had this convo at the MI ren faire...with about two dozen women. most of which found you through a friend and saw you\r blog first. Guess why they bought from you?

    Beyond the beauty of your corsets? They said it was your kickass blog.

    Don't go all "PC" and have someone read your posts first. Please. I'm begging you.

    Your comments in your feedback should tell you the same. They feel like they have a personal relationship wiht you and your corsets. Without THIS blog, you wouldn't have as much business. It IS doing you favors.

    I'm a business owner myself. I've been in business for over ten years. Guess what? while my clients pay my bills, them telling me to filter myself would get THEM fired. It's happened, and I've never regreted it. Now, I know you aren't me...and I Don't recommend it to everyone.

    But you have an honest blend of wit, sarcasm, etc. that I find beautiful and compelling - I WANT to buy from you because I feel like I have some sort of connection, even if I don't know you.

    Lots of love,
    -Monique

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    1. Monique I don't think anyone else could have said it better. Please PLEASE PLEASE Michelle, NEVER ever tone yourself down. While I may not have found you though your blog, I have remained glued to your store because of it. In all honesty, with your talent alone I'm sure I would have always kept tabs on your fabulous work. But with your blogs, just as everyone said before me, there is a connection that makes me even happier to purchase your corsets because it feel like it is coming from a friend. I am always anticipating your next post because everything you write is just deep fired awesomeness coved with chocolate. And it's because of this I am constantly updated with your store. Never change Michelle, you are amazing. And please, I'm sure everyone here has lived though the 80's and 90's, slipping in a blonde joke shouldn't mean the end of the world.

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    2. I am blonde, and frankly I don't care if people do blonde jokes. I kind of love proving them wrong. That and I sense of humor better than a marshmallow (no offense to marshmallows).

      Anonymous, thank you - I just hope her post about the POOP machine was meant to tell us in some secret way - she was staying the same.

      And you are right, while some didn't come here starting at her blog, many of us stay for it. I gotta tell you, I've ordered more from her because I check her blog often. My life is busy and nuts and I forget sometimes how much I NEED her products. lol. But I don't forget when she's part of my weekly rotation of fun internet surfing. It's advertising to the nth degree for me! It reminds me why I love her stuff and why I love her.

      -Monique

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    3. lol The world would be such a better place with more people like you Monique.

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  19. this is a link to the blog of a pottery artist whose work I love. Her blog is like yours without the exclamation marks but still the passion for her craft. http://whitneys-pottery.blogspot.com/2012/07/get-out-of-my-booth.html

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  20. I read your blog and comments BEFORE I bought from you. I chose YOU because of your wit, demented humor and honesty. Too tired of dealing with people and their untruthful ways trying to sell items that do not fit description or quality. I bought, my cousin bought and my daughter bought because everything you said was TRUE. Speak your peace, do not change. Let the Facaca fall where it may. Always told my daughter- the only thing you have control of are your words and how you back them up...you don't need the people that cannot handle them. (BTW- I did not read any other blog posts, just got the jist of this conversation and thought you should know about another fan)

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