|HOly FACE! I look so young! I'm just a kid! I can't believe I had a company....AND kids! This is me, wrangling babies at the end of a long hot day in 2006. The little red-head is my niece, Maggie, and the one next to me is Brynn.|
Perhaps it's just that I'm not used to working Sundays. I strongly believe in sabbath day observance (Isn't it sad that God had to designate a day TO MAKE us slow down, in our fast-paced world?) no matter what your believe system is! Without a day to refocus, reset, meditate, and slow down, I think it's easy to turn into the worst version of yourself. I HATE that we live in a world where there is this constant need to be entertained, absorbing information, but there is not a time set carefully aside to process this information. I feel a deep weight in my heart when I'm standing in line for a ride at Disneyland, and there is whole entire families, slump shouldered, blank eyed, rapidly dancing thumbs over their phones, and not talking to each other. People don't know how to be bored anymore. It's actually an art....but perhaps "bored" is the wrong word. Also, it's entirely possible that I'm being judgemental and harsh on these innocent people. Perhaps I caught them at the ONE time that week when they were checking their facebook, and the rest of the time, they've been having genuine face-to-face interactions with the people they love, having engaging, revealing communication. But, back to the "time set aside/sabbath" thing. I greatly cherish the time that I'm able to take to process...cogitate...delve right into WHY that post on facebook pissed me off so much and what it reveals about me, as far as weaknesses and pre-programmed responses. REALLY meditate on what is going on with my character when I allow anonymous passive aggression from the internet to influence the way I think and behave.
Here's the deal. When you do the right thing, you don't immediately get drenched in the glorious, invigorating rewards. I felt that if I changed my attitude, trying to love everyone I met, instead of viewing them as possible corset purchasers, that the money would inevitably come flowing into my company and I wouldn't be burdened with worry and stress. Wrong. It IS better to endeavor to genuinely care, listen to, and serve other people. However, when the evil forces in the world know you're trying to be something greater than yourself, they perk right up. "Oh, you want to make a woman rediscover her beauty, Michelle? How do you feel about doing it while you're VOMITING? *evil, EVIL laugh* How would you like to help a woman get over her insecurities while your tent is being literally blown down around you? How about a 400 pound clothing rack smashing into your cheekbone and then into your shoulder and breast? How do you like helping people NOW????" These are, sadly, all very true stories of what has happened to me just recently. I'm being tested. I know it. I accept it. I hate it.
Possible Ideas for Helping Me Not Go Crazy
*Installing more fans in my booth. I know they're not period-correct. However, if someone comes in and tells me to take them down, I strongly fear I might have some kind of crazy, pregnancy breakdown. I will just have to try to hide them.
*Whole cooler full of ice. I seem to do fine if I shove constant piles of ice down into my breasts. I always end up soggy and gross, but maybe it will be better than heat stroke.
*Telling myself that it's TOTALLY okay to eat strips of elk wrapped in bacon (holy CRAP, that food from the Pauper's Eatery is good. Trust me. Go down to the Castleton Harbor area, in the lower food court. Walk along the decks by the swamp. Ask for Debbie. Tell her Michelle sent you.)
*Bags of chocolate, although if those damn little Dove wrappers patronize me and tell me to "take a bubble bath" I'm going to smash something.
*Remembering how much love and support I have from my customers, as much as I don't deserve it and don't merit it. If they can love a dramatically flawed, ill-tempered, tyrant, then certainly I can love them right back.
Certainly, if any of you have brilliant things that you've figured out, let me know. I'm wide open to suggestions, because I clearly don't have many solutions that I've figured for myself. And lastly, I want to make it clear that I AM grateful for this job and all of the people who support our company. If this blog smacks of actual ingratitude for my customers, I will need to immediately delete the whole dang thing. This is an honest-to-goodness plea for help. I'm not a super-woman, by any stretch of the imagination, and even though I feel brazen for asking for advice and help when I already receive so much, I do honestly have to make changes in order to not crack under the pressure. Thanks again to all of the women and men who make this company what it is today. It's not about me, or even the corsets. It's about you.