Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Things not to say to me at a Ren Fest
So, I've been doing the Oklahoma Renaissance Festival the whole month of May, and I've got to be honest, I hear the dang dumbest questions ever conceived from people that walk into my booth. Granted, I do this for a living, and I know a lot more about the ins and outs of bodices than the common man.....but seriously. Here's just a few examples.
*Do these break your ribs? (said in a valley-girl teenage drawl)
*Oh my gosh! I totally know how that chick in Pirates of the Caribbean feels! (we hear that at least 20 times an hour....it gets really old. And no, you don't know how she feels. Unless you're an anorexic actor, you don't know how Keira Knightly feels)
*I bet you don't have anything that fits my fat body! (Yes, we actually do, and the reason you're in here is to look skinny)
*So...are these a "one size fits all" type of deal? ( I can't even justify that with an answer most times. I just hang my head in shame.)
*Giggle* *Giggle* Can we try one on him???? (Sure, if you want to make a mockery of my life's work and fine quality clothing, and try it on a man's body so you can all have a good laugh and I can go home and cry myself to sleep.....go ahead and freaking do it!)
*How much are these shirts? (Don't call them Shirts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
*What country do you guys get these from? (well....it's a country called America!!!! Me and my husband make them. We don't import crap!)
*Where would you wear these things? (At this point, I am dumbfounded, and I stare at them with a scowl on my face that is a mixture of disgust and confusion. Uh...we're at a renaissance festival, and you're asking me where to wear them?"
*Can you breathe in those things??? (Well....let's see....I have a pulse, my chest is obviously heaving, because I have a goodly amount of cleavage, and I'm yelling at you as you run in terror from my booth. Yes, I can breathe in "those things")
Guys, I know I sound really bitter, but I might be a little jaded at this point in time. Don't mind me. I'm melodramatic....to say the least. Any of you who know me personally know that I have no settings between 0 and 10.