Saturday, February 28, 2015

Work It

When I cut new, un-tested patterns, they usually get cut out of ugly fabric, but I was taking a risk here. 

      If you have an artist's brain, or happen to know someone who is plagued with this mindset, you might understand what I'm talking about here.   The thing is-I'm ALWAYS making, constructing, and revising things in  my head. I could be sitting there reading "Fifty Shades of Gray", but REALLY, I would be figuring out if you could cut an octopus shaped hole into the back of a corset and not have it stretch the wrong way when you moved....or something to that effect.  
     It doesn't stop either. I am absolutely exhausted at night, but I'll still be figuring out if we could do a "Narwhal Collection" of corsetry.  ;) I'm happy for this gift, because it makes me good at my job, but I honestly think there is a heavy burden carried along with it. Ever notice how the most talented poets and painters throughout history are bat-sheep CRAY-Z?   Ever wonder why there can't be a mega-music star that leads a simple, clean life? I've wondered the same dang thing.  Does the art make the crazy, or does the crazy make the art?
Sleeve Number One. Holy Night...it actually worked out on the first try, and I ACTUALLY remembered to cut a DOUBLE of the sleeve! (*traditionally, I'll cut a pattern, sew it up, and think, "Woah....I'm a rock star of pattern making!" and then realize that I didn't make a "pattern" of the piece I just sewed, thus I have to carefully cut it all back apart, stretching the seams, and jacking up the base pattern. 
        Lately, I've been endeavoring to focus very clearly on things that CHARGE me full of energy and zest, rather than draining my life force. I was able to pinpoint SEVERAL things that started me rolling down a hideous cliff, and then turn them around.  This goes for people as well. If I interact with someone, and I'm angry and bent out of shape for days afterward, in my opinion, this is my body telling me to get the heck away from that person and stop letting them take up valuable brain space.   I made some BIG changes in my company (whereby I received more disappointed emails than I've ever gotten in my life) and I spent so much time just wallowing in uncertainty and self-pity that I physically and mentally couldn't do my job.  The energy was gone. I wasn't trusting myself and my inner voice to guide me. I had a little bit of a breakdown.
       I'm still not sure how I pulled out of the haze, but suddenly, I want to CREATE again! I wrote down about a HUNDRED ideas during my last trip, and I'm so excited for my life that I'm sitting here working on a Saturday afternoon, even though I've worked a ton of ridiculously long hours this week.  The thing is.....when I have my LIFE FORCE and natural flow back, I'm not "working."  I'm playing. I'm having fun. I'm loving every second of my life. I'm not living according to someone else's rules or limitations on me.  I'm creating the things that I want to create and not freaking out about the money aspect or focusing on how much "I need to make" to do XYZ.  I'm not living my life according to what  others think I should do.
       If there was one single thing I want to pass onto my kids, it's this idea-DO NOT GIVE YOUR POWER TO LIVE  YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE. It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your parents, your boss, your children......you have a very specific purpose here on earth, and no one can do it except you. We all spend so much time walking on the "sidewalks" of our true path. We can sort of see the road, but we feel we need to stay where it's safe, instead of getting in the freaking car, taking the wheel, and DRIVING.
        That is all my musing for today. I will get back to "playing" now. ;)


  1. Thank you for posting this! I am feeling in the same boat with my job. It brings me down and I have had it. I can't just up and quit because I am the bread-winner. But I am working on my escape plan. :) So thank you for reminding me to listen to my body and my heart with what is best.

  2. This is exactly what it's like to be a writer, too. I flat out told my Real Job boss that I'd do my work just fine, but at any given point in the day, there were people fighting demons in my head.

    And when something brings me down, there's no writing at all. All of that energy goes to obsessing and pondering the what-ifs and mighta-coulds. When I can shake it, and get back to loving what I do, and doing what I love, it's a good thing.

  3. I quit my job today, actually... I just couldn't take the oodles of crap and negativity any more. Hopefully my creativity can take me half as far as yours has!

  4. I am right htere with you always making things. had some hard times for a year and pretty much shut down on making things which sor tof made me insane as I need to make. I hope life treats you well and you have fun while creating.

    Much love
    wendy harbaugh

  5. nice design idea ,, thats work :)